Boyfriend Went Back to His Ex After I Hurt Him

Nothing kills the joy of a relationship like that nagging feeling that your boo still isn't totally over his or her ex. Whether you found him scrolling through her IG feed, or doing something even more side-eye worthy, these behaviors might even leave you wondering..."Does he still love me?"

"If your new boyfriend is constantly talking about his ex, spending time on the phone with her, meeting up with her without including you, comparing you in a way that makes you feel less than her, these all point to the possibility of him still being connected to her in some way," says Jane Greer, Ph.D., sex therapist and author of What About Me? Stop Selfishness From Ruining Your Relationship.

But honestly, any behavior that's giving you a gross feeling in the pit of your stomach is enough to consider re-evaluating your relationship status. "Something is a red flag if it's causing you significant and ongoing upsetting feelings like hurt, worry, suspicion, anger, insecurity, frustration, or feeling disrespected," says Manhattan-based licensed clinical psychologist Joseph Cilona, Psy.D.

In other words, if your partner is doing any (or all) of the below, there's a chance he might still be holding a candle for his ex-flame.

They Talk—Often

Alyssa Andrews

It's not exactly fair to expect him to completely shut his ex out of his life—unless she's very clearly still warm for his form—because that's not cool. But if they're talking all the time it's not out of the realm of possibility that he still has feelings for her. "Either he feels guilty that he left her, or he isn't over her," says Greer. "He's still remaining overly involved. If this is the case, talk to him about whether he's really ready to be in a new relationship with you."

It can also just be unhealthy across the board, says licensed family therapist David Klow, owner of Skylight Counseling Center in Chicago and author of You Are Not Crazy: Letters from Your Therapist. "Often talking to an ex will bring back some good feelings, but it also can stimulate the reason that the breakup happened in the first place," he says. "This can reignite old, unhealed wounds and further unhealthy relational patterns. "

Sure, maybe they salvaged a platonic relationship—or maybe he's keeping in touch in case things don't work out with you. Dudes occasionally view exes as safety nets.

He Double Taps And Likes Her Social Posts On The Regular

Alyssa Andrews

We'd probably all be better off not following our exes on the Facebook, the Instagram, and the Twitter—especially when they post hot selfies that we still drool over. But a complete digital freeze-out isn't always something a guy wants to do. You see, a block or unfollow can create post-relationship drama, and it can also make things even weirder when you have mutual friends.

"Depending on what the relationship is with an ex, liking their social media post might be a way of staying connected to old ways, or it might simply be an expression of friendship," Klow says. "It would be important to know how the relationship ended."

However, it's still a red flag.

He Constantly Hates On Her

Alyssa Andrews

It's completely understandable if he's a little bitter, but if he's saltier than #SaltBae and going out of his way to talk about how much she sucked, sound the alarm. He might be trying to remind himself why he's not with her in an attempt to convince himself he's better off.

He's Going HAM On This Relationship

Alyssa Andrews

There's this thing some dudes do when they want to get back at their ex. They go into competitive mode by unofficially racing with their ex to see who can get to #RelationshipGoals status first. This can be driven by anxiety, Klow says, and it's a match you don't want to win.

You Know More About His Ex Than You Should

Alyssa Andrews

If he's constantly saying things like, "My ex never appreciated American Pickers like you do!" Or "She always texted other people while we're at dinner." Head for the hills. It may sound like a compliment, but he's just comparing you to her. And you should run."This might be a concern in that he is still caught up on the past and has not resolved aspects of that relationship," Klow says.

He Keeps That Custom T-Shirt She Made For Him

Alyssa Andrews

That inside joke about Taylor Swift was probably hilarious back in 2013, but at this point it's just awkward for anyone who see's it. He should have gotten rid of it, given it back to her or, like, lit it on fire. However, Greer says people often keep mementos from past relationships for the memories, so it's not always a sign he's not over his ex—but it could be. Have a chat about the reason he feels the need to hold onto these memories, says Greer. It's completely possible that he just sees it as a memento of a fun time, Klow says—or he could be clinging to the past.

He's still close with her family.

Alyssa Andrews

Generally when you break up with someone, you stop hanging out with his or her family. But if he says he's still tight with his ex's parents—despite the fact that he "doesn't talk to my ex at all." I'm going to go ahead and get real: There's probably part of him that hopes this keeps a connection between them. Though it is possible that he's past his ex and just likes some of her family members, says Greer.

It also matters if he has kids with his ex—that makes a little more sense, Klow says. Maybe it's worth discussing as your relationship gets more serious.

Again, if you're concerned about your boyfriend's relationship with his ex or how he talks about her now, it's crucial to talk about it. "The important thing to do is open up a respectful, calm, and frank dialogue about the reasons and questions driving those negative feelings and concerns," Cilona says. It's entirely possible that he doesn't realize how much his actions are upsetting you—and how they're coming across. Hopefully together, you can find a happy medium.

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Boyfriend Went Back to His Ex After I Hurt Him

Source: https://www.womenshealthmag.com/sex-and-love/a19961231/not-over-his-ex/

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